The Nix List: Clown Programs

Welcome to a new segment I like to call, the Nix List. Short and sweet, these are some of the things I NEVER want to see in figure skating. Ever.

Disclaimer: These are my opinions. Feel free to disagree.

First on the Nix List: clown programs.

Robin Szolkowy, Aliona Savchenko

Memorable is a double-edged word. You can be memorable in a good way in that you can create happy memories that people will cherish forever. Or you could scar someone for life, which is technically, a way to be memorable. Clown programs fall into this latter category. In an interview with George Stroumboulopoulos, Ricky Gervais sums up my opinion of clowns very well. Start watching at 1:38.

If you’re too lazy to watch the interview, here are some highlights:

“They’re not scary, I want to punch them in the face. They’re the least sexy things in the world and […] they’re…  who goes into clowning?”

I think the clown program of recent memory belongs to Aliona Savchenko & Robin Szolkowy. Overall, it’s a well-constructed program but the tacky costumes and the make-up just detracts from their skating. Honestly, you two are so much better than this.


As for Kurt Browning and this program… well, only my sheer adoration for my childhood figure skating hero will allow me to enjoy this. If this were anyone else…


Let me take this moment to mention that circus programs are slightly different. They don’t involve distracting makeup and terrible costumes… most of the time. With La Strada becoming a warhorse, circus programs have become quite common. They can be done very well, like this…


Or headdesk-worthy, like this…


Somehow, these two have made Marina Zueva’s choreography to the lively music of La Strada, boring. BORING. And no, that =O facial expression does not help.


Honestly… the first half of that program was the theme of “Life is Beautiful” and then… it goes to the circus after some creepy whispers? What?

What do you think of clown programs?

~The Rinkside Cafe